


Your Lips Are Red

by charlie_sue



Category: Blur (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25015570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlie_sue/pseuds/charlie_sue
Summary: My face is red from reading your red lips
Relationships: Damon Albarn/Graham Coxon/Alex James, Graham Coxon/Alex James
Kudos: 6





	Your Lips Are Red

«Are you having fun?»

Graham shrugs. This party turned out to be a little bit more pretentious than they thought it would be. All these people are too attractive, too bright, too stylish. Nobody notices them here. And it's good for a change. Damon has bounced off somewhere a long time ago. They are left for themselves sharing a bottle, looking around, feeling like insects trapped in a jar.

«We can leave if you want to».

For the whole evening Alex has been trying to fish out more than a couple of words from him, but it all was fruitless. He can't feel his own arms and legs. After he fixed his fringe and dropped his hand down, only a strange tension under his palm gives him a hint that it is, in fact, Graham's lap. They look at each other, and there is at least a sign of emotion on his face.

«I'll be right back», says Graham and leaves his seat. Alex imagines that he winked at him before stepping in a crowd of strangers.

After some time he spots him talking to some girl. Maybe he's seen her somewhere, he just can't be bothered to remember. Alex feels a knot forming in his throat. He can't decide what should he do first: cry or throw up. This conversation lasts forever. Then he notices that there is nothing between them, this girl has no chance. Graham is nervous as usual, his fingers fidgeting, shoulders hunched – he knows all his patterns. Alex likes to notice things about people and store them in matchboxes in his mind. There is just too much about Graham for one matchbox. He has his own shelves in Alex's head, stocked with endless facts. He consists of tiny incompatible details that work together somehow.

Alex has to remind himself not to stare. He feels like he is walking on thin ice.

«Let's go». Graham's hand slides across his shoulders.

They are not alone in the elevator. Graham is standing in front of an old dirty mirror and when others leave he throws a shy glance over his shoulder and smiled.

It is so hot outside even at night. Alex feels sweat and excitement dripping down his back. They ride in silence that is only interrupted by a mumbling radio. In flickering lights of the city Graham looks like his is drawn with careless strokes and dots; Alex's eyes glued to the red stain of his mouth.

They walk through the hall squinting at unnatural blinding light. Suddenly Alex starts thinking about his every move and almost forgets how to walk. His feet are so heavy like he is walking through thick water.

After some shuffling Graham opens the door to his room. He walks inside and there is no choice but to follow him. It 's like they jumped through a portal: after the electric yellow hall everything around them is black and blue.

«Do you ever feel like you're completely alone in this world?»

There is just a couple of steps between them but it sounds like they are thousands miles apart. Graham takes off his glasses, sets them on a coffee table and turns around. Alex thinks it's actually a brilliant idea, with this glasses. You can hide anything behind them. He can see how tired Graham actually is, even in darkness.

«There are lots of people out there».

A few seconds and one confused reaction later he realizes that it is just utterly stupid. He made a complete moron out of himself and now he is ready to do a bigger mistake. A huge mistake. He steps closer and kisses him. At first they stand like that – craned necks and all – before Graham's hand is on his waist bringing him closer.

He remembers the first he almost got caught off guard. That evening Damon was true to himself and absolutely insufferable.

«C'mon. Believe me, you'll love it».

«Why?»

«I just know».

After he agreed to it, he felt Damon's mouth on him, almost choking on his tongue. It was difficult to say that he liked it. But when it was Graham's turn something squeezed inside him with excitement. He pretended to be nonchalant about that, like he was doing them both a favour.

«Wow, stop it», screamed Damon. Seemed that just a few seconds passed, but it was longer in the real world.

His place was taken. Kissing Graham, Damon looked in his eyes.

_There is nothing for you here._

With his hands under the shirt there is a slight feeling of all this being illegal, and Alex smiles about that in Graham's neck. He is almost painfully pale, his skin is thin paper. Alex realizes it's his last chance to stop it all, tell him to go to bed and try to get some rest. But he is also exhausted from longing.

It is not just about the act. Graham holds him so tight and sighs so sad like he hasn't met any creature of his kind in ages. There is excited ringing in Alex's head but at the same time some somber voice repeats over and over:

_It could be anyone in your place._

Everything is not like he's imagined. He thought his fall would be fast and sobering, but he sink slowly deeper and deeper with every move and sigh in his ear.

«Alex, please».

He doesn't know what that means, but is ready to do anything.

_Please, faster._

_Please, don't leave me alone._

_Please, just kill me._

Graham's nails dig into his shoulders. From now Alex knows that he will never find this spot where the ice had broken under him. There is no turning back.

He wakes up suddenly from the sound of water running. In purple hours before sunrise Alex can't remember where he is. The door opens letting a thin line of light in for a moment, and he pretends to be asleep, but looks with one eye. Graham walks to the bed but than decides to take his pillow and go sleep on the sofa. When Alex wakes up again, he is alone.

He finds them outside discussing something in some tiny caf é . Damon salutes him and invites to sit with them. His arm is draped over the chair where Graham sits with this look in his eyes like he is about to get beat up at any given moment. Alex passes him the key under the table and their fingers linger a little bit longer than expected. Graham is frowning, his lips tight. He does it every time he doesn't want to talk about something or is embarrassed. 

«Slept well?» asks Damon and puts a cigarette in his mouth. He looks at Alex like he has a huge neon sigh above his head.

«Yeah, like a log». He is annoyed a bit.

Through the glass door he sees Dave waving and showing him his watch. They are late again.

«How was she? Anything good?»

Alex shrugs and looks at Graham. Damon nods knowingly and moves on.


End file.
